I keep hearing grown-ups talking about how much better kids have it than parents, with minimal responsibilities, treats like candy and stickers, and really cool pajamas. But I disagree. I think we have it even better than kids. Here’s how:
1. We don’t look ridiculous trying to get onto/out of tall chairs.
2. We’re done growing teeth.
3. No diaper rash.
4. In fact, we rarely ever poop our pants anymore.
5. Our prescription meds aren’t thick chalky goo that smells of cherry-dipped tin cans.
6. Our faces aren’t booty-height in crowded elevators.
7. Our parties involve booze (not juice boxes).
8. Cars are so much faster than bikes.
9. Cars also have radios that play really good music that we get to control.
10. All the bubblegum we want, whenever we want it.
11. All the swear words we want to say, whenever we want to say them.
12. We can reach all the high-up hiding spots other grown-ups stash the good cookies in.
13. “Because I said so” can be our answer to pretty much anything.
14. We never get grounded.
15. We’re totally done with puberty.
16. We’re totally done with high school.
17. We don’t need fake IDs.
18. We don’t get homework.
19. We can have kids and make them do the housework for us for about $5 a week.
20. Three words: Adult-sized footsie pajamas.
Graphic: Kim Bongiorno
