Once your kids reach their second birthdays, their time as non-contributors to the household are officially OVER. Scroll through the bajillion kid chore charts on Pinterest and you’ll see that all of them have a smattering of tasks that even tots can do, usually starting with some simple cleaning around the house and picking up their bedrooms. Quite coincidentally, that’s also the age when kids start stockpiling excuses as to why they should never have to do any of those chores, ever. But stay strong! As they get older the excuses and avoidance techniques will get more creative, but one day your kids will reach a point where they give up, knowing that you hold the keys to the car they want to borrow, and taking out the trash without complaint is a smart way to sweeten you into handing them over. Here’s a little preview of what’s to come. Enjoy managing your new cleaning crew!
1. I don’t see a mess to clean.
2. Wouldn’t you rather I go outside for some fresh air?
3. But I had a long day.
4. Shouldn’t I get paid for this?
5. But I do EVERYTHING around here.
6. I already cleaned something today.
7. But it’s my room and I like it this way. I know where everything is.
8. My finger hurts. Don’t you want me to rest it so I don’t miss my soccer game tonight?
9. But you’re SO MUCH BETTER at it than I am.
10. Those are crouton crumbs and I didn’t eat croutons. DADDY ate croutons so he should have to clean under the table, not me.
11. But my show is on!
12. I think I should read a book or two, instead.
13. But I don’t know where anything goes.
14. This one time in this movie a girl went to clean her room and she did it and was crying because she was mad that she had to do it and so didn’t see the spider and it bit her and she was bleeding and the spider was poisonous and she fell asleep and when she woke up she was a half-person-half-spider monster thingy and it scared her mom and her mom chased her away and she had to live in the woods and the woods were dark and scary and I don’t want to live in the woods I want to stay here with youuuuuuuuu!
15. But I need to poop.
16. I don’t know how to sweep.
17. But my room isn’t messy!
18. Too hungry. Not. Enough. Energy. [Collapses dramatically]
19. BUT I JUST DID IT LIKE A WEEK AGO.
20. If you loved me you wouldn’t make me do this.
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