There was the doctor, the restaurant owner, the professional soccer player, the dentists—oh wait—then there was that other doctor, the anchorman, and the author (he’s the one I kept and the one I’m marrying this weekend…more on him later!).
Now, I don’t mean to tell you all this to brag, or even to suggest that a man’s resume is what should define his attractiveness, but as a single mom, my time and resources were extremely limited, so dating someone I didn’t find interesting at the get-go was not a luxury my life could accommodate. Not to mention, I was very wary of letting someone who was potentially creepy anywhere near me (or, more importantly, my kids).
My friends wondered what I was doing that helped me attract (mostly) non-duds. Was I doing something special? Perhaps…or maybe it was just luck. Here are the rules I dated by:
1. I waited a very long time before I dated again. I didn’t even look at a guy (except Hollywood hotties like Henry Cavill and Matt Damon) until my divorce was final. Even after I was “out there” as George Costanza would say, I took my time focusing on my kids and focusing on myself.
2. I found a good therapist. And that took awhile, actually. I saw several therapists before I found the one that was a good fit for me. Once I did, I worked on finding the old me that had been buried under years of an unhealthy relationship. I was also able to learn from mistakes I had made in the past so I wouldn’t repeat them.
3. I didn’t act desperate (for the most part). And trust me, there were times when I felt desperate. There were times when I could barely pay the bills, and barely keep it together. It might have been easy to see a man of financial means as a way out of my struggles. But I always separated the men’s earning potential from who they were. I wanted to be sure that whom I was in love with had nothing to do with his wallet or his resume. Not being desperate meant being willing to move on without someone.
4. I tried to be interesting. I pursued my career and a lifelong dream. In the time between my divorce and when I dated again, I dusted off the dream of writing a cookbook, which for me meant attending writing conferences, writing my blog, finding an agent, and sticking to something that others may have said was a waste of time.
As I worked on becoming the person I wanted to be, I was able to attract the right kind of man. What are your single-mom dating secrets?
