When it comes to breastfeeding, I really have zero judgments. I did a little bit of breastfeeding for the first three months, but mostly formula-feeding, because I didn’t produce enough milk to nourish my twin babies. Miraculously, my children managed to survive on a steady diet of powdered formula, and are healthy, happy, handsome 3-year-olds now. Would I have liked to have breastfed more than I was able to? Sure, but it didn’t work out that way.
What was super awesome though was all of the dumb things strangers and acquaintances would say to me when I told them I was formula-feeding. Stuff like, “Aren’t you worried that they won’t be as healthy?” and “Well, is your formula organic at least?” and “You know, the more you breastfeed, the more weight you’ll lose.” Thanks, jerkies.
So when I hear celebrities spouting nonsense, it makes me kind of angry, especially since so many real women compare themselves to these superhuman beauties. But these actresses and models have personal trainers and chefs to help whip them into shape, and full-time nannies who will watch their kids in the meantime. They also make their living on their looks, so while you might totally eat an entire sleeve of Oreos when you’re sleep deprived, someone like, say, Scarlett Johansson, would not.
So the next time you hear a celebrity saying some obnoxious thing about her breastfeeding experience, consider the source. Here are a few of my favorite gems from famous mamas, starting with comments Mila Kunis made recently during her interview with Craig Ferguson on the “Late, Late Show.”
Super Annoying Quotes About Breastfeeding from Celebrity Moms
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Mila Kunis
"Breastfeeding's a great workout!" Kunis told Craig Ferguson on the "Late, Late Show" shortly after her daughter Wyatt's birth. "Let me tell you! I seem to eat a lot, so that kind of keeps me going through the day. [It's] not too bad...I do love to eat healthy."
Oh, Mila, I want so much to like you and I think I still do. But it's a rare Mama who can eat a ton and lose weight, just from breastfeeding.
Photo: Getty
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Olivia Wilde
"Breastfeeding is the most natural thing," the actress told Glamour magazine. "I don't know, now it feels like Otis should always be on my breast."
To many women, it is the "most natural thing," but many others would probably like to wean their child, oh, sometime before they head off for college.
Photo: Getty
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Alicia Silverstone
"Breast milk is the purest expression of a mama's love for her baby.... It's sensual, adorable, satisfying, empowering and, at times, insanely funny," the vegan actress and mom to Bear Blu, now 3, explains in her book, Kind Mama. "I can't imagine life without it. And I suppose, in a way, God or Mother Nature or the Supreme Being or Zeus couldn't either, because he and/or she created us with breasts and the milk that was designed to give our babies life."
Oh, and she also said, "Nurse like it's your destiny: During your baby vacation, you'll have all the time in the world for your new job as mama and letting those boobies reach their full potential."
Meanwhile, if your child has colic, you should know that it's probably all your fault because Alicia says, "Don't worry--it’s not some mean spell sent from the heavens to make life difficult. There’s a solution. It starts with what we mamas eat ... Luckily, because you’re the gatekeeper of all that is good and milky, you have a lot of control over what might be irritating baby’s little belly."
OMG, this woman is annoying. She makes me want to chew up my food and spit it on her.
Photo: Getty
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Kendra Wilkinson
"My first party after giving birth to Hank, I went to Eve nightclub in Vegas and my boobs started leaking," the former Playboy bunny told Baby Zone. "I couldn't do anything so I breastfed myself. And it tasted sweet, too!"
Um, that's not funny--that's really freaking gross.
Photo: Getty
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Scarlett Johansson
"[Breastfeeding is] the best way to get back in shape," the mom to Rose, 4 months, told Barbara Walters. "[I do] the whole bit. I'm nursing and I love it."
Again with this? Maybe it's the strength-training and Pilates and yoga she said she does EVERY DAY.
Photo: Getty
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Naomi Watts
"I'm breastfeeding," the mom to Sasha, 7, and Sammy, 6, said to People magazine after giving birth to her second child. "And he's sucking it all out of me, it seems. And when the baby comes out, it's a lot of weight right there..."
Um, people were still asking me when I was due months, months after I had my twins. Neither breastfeeding, nor giving birth, sucked it all out of me!
Photo: Getty
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Julie Bowen
"It's like two little liposuction machines on you," the Modern Family star shared on Lopez Tonight back in 2010, along with a photo of her breastfeeding twins John and Gus. "They suck the fat out of you. They call it the 'double football hold.' You hold one here, and here [gesturing to her breasts], like two footballs ... They're doing God's work right there, helping me return to my birth weight."
I did the football hold, and totally gave my twins the opportunity to suck the fat out of me. Three years later, and my tummy still looks like raw pizza dough wrapped in crepe paper.
Photo: Getty
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Rebecca Romijn
"Breastfeeding is the very best diet I've been on," the mom to twins Dolly and Charlie said in an interview with Extra. "It's amazing. It's like you have to eat 5,000 extra calories a day or you can't produce enough food for them. So, that's been fun as well."
Hell yeah, it's fun to eat 5,000 extra calories a day, but if a real human ate like that after baby, she'd look more like Mama June than Mama Rebecca.
Photo: Getty
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Emily Blunt
"My boobs also thought I'd had 12 children," the mom to Hazel, 10 months, told Ellen DeGeneres on her show back in May. "I could have been the wet nurse in medieval times. I could have fed the village while they all went to work...I found that, because I managed to produce a lot of milk, I don't know why, it helped me lose the weight."
I think it's all starting to make sense to me now -- if only I had made more milk, maybe I wouldn't still be carrying this cozy layer of chub.
Photo: Getty
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Gisele Bundchen
“Some people here (in the U.S.) think they don’t have to breastfeed, and I think ‘Are you going to give chemical food to your child when they are so little?" the supermodel mom to , mom to Benjamin, 4, and Vivian, 2, infamously told Harper's Bazaar. "I think there should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months."
Such a good idea, Gisele! And when they imprison all of those mothers for choosing not to breastfeed, their children will definitely be better off.
Photo: Getty
