WHO: She’s the mother and “Momager” to six. She’s the ex-wife of OJ attorney Robert Kardashian. She’s the soon-to-be ex-wife of Olympic great Bruce Jenner. And, she’s the person we can all thank (read: blame) for “The Kardashians” tv empire.
Kris knows a thing or six about raising kids. So if she were to write a parenting book, we imagine it might go a little something like this:
Kris Jenner's Parenting Handbook
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Page 1: You’re Never Too Young To Be On TV
Most Grandmas would never want to put their families on TV, but not Kris Jenner. She is the person who got her daughters their own reality show which has revealed everything from childbirth to a home bikini wax. So it makes perfect sense that Kim Kardashian’s baby, North West, would make her onscreen debut on Grandma’s show. Sure, the baby was only 8-weeks old and her image was one of the most sought after celebrity baby photos of all time, but Grandma’s got a talk show to sell. And there’s nothing better than a cute famous baby to bump those sagging ratings.
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Page 10: Always Be Proud Of Yourself, Even When You Fail Or Get A Fat Lip!
Whether it be the allergic reaction Kris suffered that made her (already enhanced) lip blow up like a balloon, Kim’s sex tape, or Khloe’s recent troubles in paradise, Kris Jenner proves that there is never anything you do, say, or film that is embarrassing. And since her family has made millions from careers based on highs and lows, that might be some pretty good advice. But maybe next time she gets a fat lip from a bug bite, she’ll just stay behind the camera. Yuck.
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Page 14: A Good Mom Never Let’s Anyone Talk Badly About Her Kids, Even The President
Sure, some people would consider it a compliment to be mentioned in a presidential speech, but when President Obama mentioned that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have negatively influenced the values of teens (by their conspicuous shows of wealth), Kris fired back with insults on everything from the President’s friends to his house (which, last I checked, is the White House.) Kris proves that when it comes to defending her babies, no one is off limits.
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Page 15: There Are No Favorite Children
When asked point blank by her other children if Kim was her favorite, Kris flat out denied favoring Kim. But, Kris did confess to Barbara Walters in an interview that her favorite child is the one who gives her the most attention proving that anyone can earn a mother’s love (with a ton of sucking up).
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Page 27: It's All About The Kids
When asked if she’s exploiting her kids by being their manager, Jenner was quick to respond, “The opportunity to work with my family and just knowing that we get to get up every day and be together and have some fun. we're having a really good time and we're passionate about it. What meant the most to me was that I got to be with the kids.” I wonder if she’d say that without the 10%?
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Page 34: Don’t Mess With The Family Name
Sure, he was great when he was playing for the Lakers, but now that Lamar Odom is battling some serious issues, Kris’s buddies are quoted saying that Kris hopes Khloe will dump him since, “Lamar has tarnished the family name.” Ouch. What’s Kris gonna say when Kanye writes an angry rap about her?
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Page 35: Only Old People are Grandmas
On a July 24th interview with Chelsea Handler, Jenner revealed that with 3 grandkids, there are just too many people calling her Grandma. So, she asks the little Jennerdashians to call her, “Lovey.” Apparently, that makes her sound younger. Or, like she’s a cast member of “Gilligan’s Island.”
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Page 48: Only Be There for Your Good Kids
On a June 28th episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians the only male in the family, Rob, confessed to being stranded and having to take a cab since no one in his family believed that he was in need of help. Kris’ advice: “You’re full of shit most of the time and this is exactly what this is happening to you. If you really do need us and you’re telling the truth, we’ll be there.” Except today, when you had to take a cab….
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Page 50: Get Married, Kids!
When The Talk host, Sara Gilbert asked Jenner if Kim and Kanye were getting married, her response said it all, “No, but I wish they would. I’m pretty annoyed … I’m old fashioned that way.” Hmmm...think she's changed her tune now that she and Bruce are separating? Anyway, I wonder how Kim's appearance in Playboy meshed with her old fashioned values.
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Page 60: Children Need Direction
It goes without saying that Jenner is often criticized for making money off her kids. She’s quick to deny it stating to US Magazine, “My girls are not pansies. Everyone needs direction.” And if that direction is the over 60 million dollars the 3 Kardashian sisters made last year then, yes, Kris is right, I'll take some direction!
