I hung up the phone and sat back on the couch, my thoughts racing. If someone had told me six weeks ago that a diet plan would include exercise, I’d have believed them. After all, most do. If someone had told me a diet plan would include a guided visualization exercise guaranteed to set me on the path to becoming the best version of myself I would have snorted and said, “Visualization exercise? Isn’t that kinda touchy-feely for a diet?”
But then, Debi’s program isn’t a diet.
I have reached the stage in the program where the food is easy. Honestly, unbelievably, I don’t miss any of the things I used to eat. At my son’s birthday party, I washed the frosting off my thumb rather than licking it without a thought. When my boss took me to out to lunch, I drank water and chatted, ignoring the basket of warm, fresh-baked bread sitting on the table. On those busy nights when the kids have gymnastics and Little League and I haven’t been to the grocery store, I don’t order pizza. Instead, I call it “Tapas Tuesday” and put out a tray of cheese, nuts, fruit, veggies, and hummus with the occasional sliced salami or smoked salmon.
I’ve reached the stage where exercise, while still not easy, is becoming a habit. Whether I do it while dinner is cooking or after the kids go to bed, I rarely miss a day. After all, 15 minutes is a bit easier to find than the hour a day that seemed so impossible to attempt.
Last week, Debi told me I was ready to start the “self-image” portion of the program. When I first read of it, I was convinced I had a fairly positive self-image. I’m an extrovert. I walk into a room and introduce myself. I can find ways to chat with everyone from bikers to soccer moms. While I know I’ve lost a little of myself with the end of my marriage and becoming a mother, I have always considered myself confident and self-assured.
Until last week.
Last week, after Debi’s guided visualization, I came to the abrupt realization the lost part of me is more lost than I thought. As I feverishly wrote down every detail of my Ultimate Self, I realized she looked and acted a lot like the person I used to be. The person before fear and uncertainty and turmoil rocked her world.
After my life crumbled around me, I struggled to find some sort of stability. What I didn’t recognize is that after finding my footing, I needed to start moving forward again. Life during all that turmoil was difficult. As Debi assured me, it’s natural that I don’t want to risk pain and failure again, but if I don’t, how will I ever become Ultimate Mandy.
All week she told me to ask myself how Ultimate Mandy would respond to situations because at some point, if I want to be that best person, the answers and actions will come naturally. I want to be that person I envisioned. There’s no reason, absolutely no reason, I can’t be her.
After all, she’s me.
