My single girlfriends and I have said, not entirely joking, that a Divorcee Kit would probably make a fortune in sales. Fueled by glasses of wine, we’ve filled this fictional kit with the necessities:
Body pllow: The other half of the bed seems so empty following the end of a marriage. For months, I hugged my side while the phantom of my ex filled the space next to me. A body pillow goes a long way towards making that empty space a comfortable spot to snuggle something that won’t lie to you, nor will it decide it needs to “find himself”.
Electric blanket: More than anything, I missed the warmth of my husband those first few months. I run cold with ice cube feet and frigid hands. A simple electric blanket would have made all the difference in warming my cold, empty bed while ensuring I didn’t turn to another man while in search of a space heater.
Vibrator: Hey, a girl’s got needs.
Baseball bat: There are noises, loud noises, that go bump in the night. In the deep, dark hours of the night, every creek, every moan of settling foundations sounds like a serial killer waiting to attack. Or, at least, a garden variety teen punk ready to steal your laptop. There’s nothing like a solid metal baseball bat next to your bed to make a gal feel safe. While some people may argue a handgun works better, I’ve never been much of a shot and I worry about jumpy trigger fingers. A baseball bat is a convenient protector.
Extra-lethal bug spray: I hate spiders. Despise them. Don’t worry. The feeling is mutual. I’ve had more spider bites than most women have had pimples. I swear they run a mafia organization where I kill one of them and the entire familia comes after me with a vengeance. That being said, a live and let live situation didn’t really work out for me. They refused to leave me alone. A can of ridiculously lethal bug spray solved my problems without me breaking down and calling my ex to come kill the bugs I’d trapped under water glasses.
Under the Tuscan Sun: This movie got me through the worst of my divorce. A story of a woman who finds love and family when she least expects it spoke to me while in the depths of post separation trauma.
What would you add to your Divorcee Kit?
