The kids are back in school navigating the nuances of playground dynamics. But everyone knows the real action is with the parents in the parking lot. From working moms to the Parent Association President, everyone’s got a place in the parking lot pecking order. So, where do you fall in the school social-life stratosphere? Well, that all depends on what kind of Mom you are. Find out.
Mom Type
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The Parking Lot Mom
Long after the school bell has rung, you’re still in the parking lot gabbing. You’re the in-the-know parent. That’s cause you’re always around. In fact, you’re there so much, other parents mistake you for a teacher.
Uniform: Expensive jeans, tank, flip-flops, and a pony tail.
Can Be Heard Saying: “I’m not supposed to tell, but…”
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The Organic Mom
Your kids have never had sugar and they live on tofu. The word “formula” is a curse word in your house and apparently so is the word “fun.” You’re so rigid about everything from phthalates to co-sleeping that you’re not exactly the most fun Mom in the parking lot. Even your kids agree. That’s why they go over to the neighbor’s house begging for Cheetos.
Uniform: Hemp tunics and an Ergo carrier (even if there's no baby inside).
Can Be Heard Saying: “Is there a gluten-free option?”
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The Flirty Mom
With your low cut tops and talks of salsa class, you make everything seem sexy. You’re not unhappy in your own marriage, but you do like the attention of the Stay At Home Dad, The Married Dad, and the Successful Dad. In fact, you like the attention of all the Dads. This doesn’t make the other Moms in the parking lot happy, but they know you’re harmless.
Uniform: Maxi dress and heels. You’re on your way to salsa class after all.
Can Be Heard Saying: “Oops, I forgot to put on a bra.”
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The Stay at Home Dad
When the wife’s career took off, you decided to quit your job and become Mr. Mom. But now that the kids are all in school, you’re not exactly sure what to do with yourself. You do love your time with your children, but still miss the thrill of the rat race. You’d consider going back to work, but you’re too busy with carpool, piano lessons and getting dinner on the table.
Uniform: Too-baggy jeans and a hoodie.
Can Be Heard Saying: “I’m going home to take a nap.”
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The Teacher Mom
As a teacher you’re thrilled your kids get an automatic spot in school. But since you’re also a member of the faculty, you’re never privy to the Mom’s night out invites or the parking lot gossip. Too bad. You’re the one that actually knows what’s happening unlike that Parking Lot Mom who sometimes makes it up.
Uniform: Comfy and casual. Who can afford more?
Can Be Heard Saying: “Of course I won't tell the administration.”
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The Workout Mom
With a bod like that, you must work out 3 hours a day, right? You spin, do yoga, go to Pilates and run marathons around the rest of the Moms on campus. And you’ve got the body to prove it. With your “Terminator” arms and concave belly, it’s tough to tell you’ve actually had babies. Thank God you don’t have a job. That would seriously get in the way of your “two-a-day” workout plan.
Uniform: Lululemon, head to toe.
Can Be Heard Saying: “I had pasta last night so I’m going to go run an extra five.”
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The Joiner Mom
Like Ado Annie From Oklahoma! you just can’t say no…to committees that is. You’re a PA President’s dream because you’ll join every committee just because you were asked. Sure, you have a job. But you’ll run yourself ragged making kugels and cookies for the bake sale after you're done sewing those costumes for the school play. That’s because you’ll do anything for your kids and for their school. In two year’s time, you’ll be the PA President, even if you don’t have the time.
Uniform: Whatever’s clean and nearby. You’re on so many committees you don’t have time for laundry.
Can Be Heard Saying: “I guess I could find the time.”
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The Squeaky Wheel Mom
You complain for sport. You write other parents emails about how they parent their children and you always have a criticism for the Head of School. You take education seriously, but leave the administrators no time to educate your child. That’s because they’re so busy answering your daily emails, calls and meeting requests.
Uniform: Suit and tie. Life is your courtroom.
Can Be Heard Saying: “That’s it. I’m writing a letter.”
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The Single Mom
You’re successful at everything but marriage—despite giving it the old college try. You want desperately to find the next Mr. Right and are willing to try everything from Match.com to blind dates. You’ve even got your kid’s teachers setting you up. Dating sucks, but you’re an optimist—you've gotta be if you're going to get in one last baby under the wire.
Uniform: High heals and low cut tops. You never know where you’ll meet Mr. Right.
Can Be Heard Saying: “I’d be happy with a guy like any of your husbands.”
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The Unemployed Dad
The first few months after the lay off were great. You decompressed and caught up on your tennis game. You even got to catch up on seeing the kids more often. But now that the kids are back to school, you’re itching to get back to work. Too bad you can’t get an interview for anything that interests you. At this rate, the only job you’ll qualify for is nanny.
Uniform: Tennis whites.
Can Be Heard Saying: “I’m working from home.”
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The Off-Ramped Mom
You used to run a Fortune 500 and you don’t want to let those brain skills go to waste. That’s why you run your house like a mini corporation complete with power point presentation schedules and color-coded activity charts. You think about going back to work all the time. But you don’t have time to look for a job. You’re busy making a spreadsheet of what’s in the pantry.
Uniform: Anything but a business suit.
Can Be Heard Saying: “Let me check my schedule.”
