We have a special batch of words that we use quite regularly once we’re parents. They do the job just fine, but I’ve decided to define them much more clearly with perfectly accurate synonyms; call it a Thesaurus for Moms. Feel free to use these at your leisure.
- Balloon = Floaty bag of joy
- Bathtime = Everywhere puddle
- Bedtime = Negotiation hours
- Boobs during pregnancy = Electrified veiny fleshballs
- Boobs post-delivery = Milk bombs
- Boobs post-weaning = Sad pierogies
- Car cupholder = Mini mulch bowls
- Coffee = Survival tonic
- Crafts = Sticky sparkle mess
- Dog = Kid horse
- Field trip = Two bus rides and something nobody cares about in between
- LEGO = Foot breaking brick
- Lollipop = Shut up stick
- Lovey = The most important item you can never lose OR ELSE
- Newborn baby = Screamy poo launcher
- Nose = Finger hole
- Permission slip = Last-minute letter
- Playdate = Chaperoned anarchy
- Popsicle = Frosty bribe that drips
- Recorder = Ear piercer
- Shirt tags = Collar machete
- Sippy cup = Travel spiller
- Socks = Cotton toe traps
- Target = Mecca
- Toddler = Why?-er
More Mom Truths:
- VIDEOS: Things Moms Know for Sure
- Why We Parent the Wrong Way, According to Our Moms
- Stop Asking Me When I’m Getting Pregnant Again
Graphic: Kim Bongiorno
