Being a stay-at-home mom is one of those experiences that people think they understand, but much like the act of childbirth, unless you have experienced it, you don’t know much about it. I wasn’t always a stay-at-home mom. Until our second child was born, I had a career in a corporate cubicle with a 401(k) and exactly 45 minutes for lunch. I wanted it all: the family, the job, the house. I could have had it all if I hadn’t almost suffered a nervous breakdown during the pursuit.
When I finally turned in my resignation to my employer, I felt enormously relieved. At last, I could be the wife and mother I’d always wanted to be! I would have the time and energy to devote to my home and family. Also, I wouldn’t let myself go. I wouldn’t turn into that frumpy cliché of a mom who trades her heels for slippers. I wouldn’t adopt the belief that yoga pants were actual pants. Nope, I wouldn’t be that kind of stay-at-home mom. I was going to be different.
We all know how this ends, right? I totally became that person. Want to know why? How do highly educated, formerly professional women morph into zombies who shuffle from room to room in bunny slippers? I’ll tell you how it happens.
1. The cares get beat right out of you
I’m a Type-A personality by nature, very uptight, orderly, and restrained. Being a stay-at-home mom has done something to me on a cellular level. There’s something about cleaning up the same messes over and over and over again that alters the psyche; eventually, you stop caring. Slowly but surely, my standards have lowered. Now, years into this gig, I ignore the messes. I can’t keep up with it all.
2. Jeans are not meant to be worn by stay-at-home moms
I figured out pretty quickly why stay-at-home moms live in workout gear. Jeans are the worst. I can’t bend over, squat, and run up and down stairs in jeans or fashionable (read: teeter-tottery) shoes. And if no one will see me in my cute outfit, why waste it on the kids? I know there are decent-looking options for people who don’t leave the house, but I would rather spend my money on something hot for date night.
3. A messy bun covers a multitude of sins
I used to wonder why all stay-at-home moms seemed to have a perma-ponytail. Now, I can tell you that I have a perma-messy bun, and it’s because I don’t have to do anything to my hair. I can wash it at night, sleep on it wet, and throw it on top of my head. Moreover, I don’t have to keep up with highlights if it’s in a giant knot. I mean, yes, I go to the salon sometimes. It’s just not as often as I should. That’s another phenomenon of motherhood: nothing happens as often as it should.
4. The laundry really is endless
All of the laundry jokes are true, you guys. It never, ever ends. Someone always uses towels, spills drink, plays in the dirt, or smears markers on their clothes. Maybe if I weren’t home all the time, there would be less laundry, but I’m thinking probably not. I have to stare at it piling up until I deal with it.
5. A stay-at-home mom is always on the job
The biggest truth about being a stay-at-home mom is that I never get a break from it. Even when my kids are in school, I usually prep for meals, shop for groceries, or run other house-related errands. I’m on call 24/7, which is exhausting.
6. It’s also a pretty cushy situation
I make my schedule. I make my own rules. If I want to drag us all to the park or a pool, I can. Also, if I want to feed us ice cream for lunch, that’ll happen. If I need a break on a school day, I have the luxury of meeting my friends for coffee or going to the gym. Sometimes, I take a few hours and do stuff just for myself, which is glorious. The good far outweighs the bad, at least for now.
