I realized when my first daughter was just about a year old that I hadn’t had a facial, a girls’ night, or even a damn bubble bath since I’d been pregnant with her. I was so tired all the time, stressed out, and feeling worthless. A former fashion and beauty journalist, I was using drugstore shampoo and rarely leaving my house in anything but faded leggings and a message tee. I didn’t give a crap about myself, basically. And it was turning me into a moody, anxious, downright bitchy mother and wife.
I hated being touched. I stopped loving to shop for and prepare elegant organic toddler meals. I resented my husband every time he did anything even remotely un-family related. It was time for a change. So we sat down and made two budgets. One was a financial budget detailing how we could move things around to have a little extra cash for my self-care. The other, even more difficult one, was a timing budget. How we could carve out an hour or two throughout each week for ME. Just me.
Three years later, things have improved exponentially. Around five PM when most of my mom friends are reaching the point of pull-your-hair-out, scream-at-everyone desperation after a day spent cleaning, laundering, wiping noses and butts, cooking, reheating, scrubbing, homework-helping, fight-referring, begging them to get down for naps…etc.; I am jauntily straightening up my living room and getting my laptop and planner arranged for my hour of alone time. Or better yet, cueing up my Netflix obsession du jour.
I don’t get touched-out as easily. I know that I can go have drinks with a girlfriend any time I want. My nails are cute and my skin gets the care it needs. My yoga practice is back on the schedule. Life feels fulfilling and good. Not just because I have and do these things for myself, but because doing so eases the emotional strain of mothering and relieves the stress.
Having time and things to myself makes me cherish them more. I miss them when we’re apart and come back ready to focus 100% on them. See where I’m going? It’s time to start being a little more selfish… it turns out, it’s about the most selfless thing you can do.
